Sunday, September 25, 2011

How To Last Longer During Sex - 2 Tips To Boost Your Stamina in Bed (The 2nd One Works Like Magic)

So there you are, having sex with an incredibly beautiful woman. Everything seems perfect, she's getting more excited and clearly enjoying the moment. But in just a few seconds, everything was over as quickly as it had started. You just cannot control yourself as the wave of excitement engulfs your mind, causing you to climax too quickly... yet again.

Sounds familiar? Well, most of us have been there before. An early ejaculation can be one of the most frustrating and embarrassing things that can happen to a man in the bedroom. You cannot help but feel insecure about your sexual shortcoming, and your inability to satisfy the woman you love.

But do not fret! Here are two great ways to make sure you will always keep the situation under control and hold your orgasm until you are ready to release.

#1 - "Mental Dissociation"

You probably have heard about this, because it is a common tactic used by men who want to add that extra few minutes to sex. The idea is to distract yourself and get your mind focused on something else, preferably something that keeps your arousal under control. Some guys "preoccupy" their minds with baseball statistics during sex. If baseball is not your favorite sport, any other sports will do just fine, as long as it helps to keep your mind away from sex.

Does it really work? Yes it can, but if you find such mind distraction tricks taking away the pleasure from sex, the next tip will be really helpful.

#2 - "Muscular Control"

A man's sexual stamina is very much correlated to the strength of the core muscles in his body, especially the PC or pubococcygeus muscle located in the pelvis. This is the muscle that controls all ejaculatory functions, including the release of urine and semen. A strong PC muscle will enable you to last much longer, either by contracting it just prior to the point of ejaculation, OR keeping it completely relaxed during sex.

So how do you develop strong, well-toned PC muscles? Simple! PC contraction or Kegel exercises are very powerful exercises to strengthen these muscles. All you need to do is to contract the PC muscle just like you are stopping the flow of urine, hold it for 5 seconds, and then relax it. Perform this simple procedure for 5 minutes per day. Within 2 short weeks, these muscles will become much stronger, giving you a LOT more control during sex and helping you last much longer.

About the author:

Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

2 Position Sex Longer Sex And Give her a sensation

When it comes to lasting longer in bed, many men choose to rely on the multitude of commercial solutions. Sprays, creams and pills that claim to extend your lovemaking sessions - besides being expensive and require constant use - do NOT permanently resolve a man's lack of sexual stamina. But did you know that you can last longer simply by adopting certain positions during Sexual category?

That is true. Some positions, such as the traditional missionary position favored by many men, are notorious for causing an early Peak. Let's take a quick look at 2 positions that will give you a LOT more leverage during sex and help you last longer.

The Tantalizing "L"

Let your Female lie on her back while you stand or kneel on the ground at the edge of the bed, so that your body and hers form an "L" shape. Begin thrusting with slow, shallow movements, while keeping the muscles in your abdominals, buttocks and thighs relaxed. ThisPut works really well because when your body is upright, it helps to draw blood and energy away from your extremities. This reduces the amount of stimulation your penis receives, keeps your arousal under control and helps you last longer.

Furthermore, this position enables you to use your hands to provide additional stimulation to the sensual areas on her Remains. To give your woman an even more titillating experience, use a pillow to elevate her buttocks. This makes it easier for you to locate and stimulate her G-spot.

"The Female Superior"

The Prevailing missionary position places a great amount of tension in your hand and leg muscles. A body that is tensed up is more prone to an early orgasm as your body seeks a natural outlet to release the tension.

Instead, allow yourSpouse or girlfriend to get on top of you. Because you are lying down, you are able to completely relax your body muscles, and keep at bay your body's natural mechanism for an early release. This is very effective for improving your endurance and making sex last longer.

When you are in this position and Feel an orgasm approaching, all you need to do is to consciously keep your muscles relaxed, and ejaculation will not occur (or at least it will take much longer to occur).

The great thing about the female High-classposition is that it gives your woman greater control over the penetrative movements... thus giving her the free rein to Exploit her own pleasure. After all, a woman instinctively knows the kind of speed, intensity and angle of penetration that will please her the most!

About the author:

Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

How To Have Great Sex And Enjoy STUNNING Orgasms (For Men Who Wish To Give Women Sensational Sex)

Giving your woman incredible pleasure and making sure she gets an orgasm every time is a great way to enjoy sex. Now how about taking this up a notch and make your own climax even more awesome and spectacular?

Here are 2 brilliant tips to enjoy sex that is totally mind-blowing - for the both of you!

Tip #1 - Prolong YourStaying Power

Let's face it. The vast majority of men reach an orgasm BEFORE their women. But if you can hold back your own climax until she achieves hers, you will make your own ejaculation stronger, harder and infinitely more pleasurable when it arrives. Here's how...

Instead of tuning into the sensations that envelop your genitals when you have sex, focus on how the pleasurable feelings surge through your ENTIRE body. When you sense an orgasm is approaching, stop for a while, or simply slow down your thrusts. Or take this opportunity to continue give her a "pleasure continuum" through oral sex (hint: women love this!). This will enable your arousal to come down several notches until you are ready to thrust again. Repeat this process until you ready to let go.


When an ejaculation nears, you will feel some involuntary contractions in your pelvis area. Just before this happens, squeeze your PC (or pubococcygeus) muscle and hold it in for as long as possible. The PC muscle is the same muscle you use to disrupt the flow of urine. When your orgasm finally arrives - because you have intentionally held it back - it will burst forth with all its might, giving you an extremely pleasurable sensation during the final release.

Now here's the thing. The PC muscle - just like any muscles on your body - needs to be strong in order for you to prolong your ejaculation. For most guys, the PC muscle is relatively weak by default, because it has not been exercised before!

The good news is, it is very easy to strengthen the PC muscle. Start practicing Kegel exercises simply by contracting and holding your PC muscle for 5 minutes each day. Within a week, it will be significantly strengthened to the point that you can use it to effectively hold back an orgasm until you are ready.


When you experience an awesome climax, your wife or girlfriend will feel GREAT too. She will feel very turned on and will want to do it with you every time you have sex! So make it a point to give her a great orgasm first, and use the 2 tips above to achieve a powerful climax yourself. Your sex life will never be the same again!

About the author:
Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation ByCommand", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation ByCommand.

How to Slow Down Ejaculation During Sex - 2 Powerful Techniques For Supreme Endurance in Bed!




There are a few simple things you can do to prevent premature ejaculation during sex. While most techniques require that you practice them on your own, there are a handful you could practice with your partner. Let's check out two easy and extremely effective ways to supercharge your sexual stamina even when you are in the throes of sexual pleasure!

When you are having sex, there is very little you can do about your heartbeat or sweating. But you CAN control your breathing to a great extent.

The next time you are having sex, notice the frequency and depth of breath you take at every moment of the intercourse. Where possible, try and find out the difference in your breathing patterns between the different stages of your arousal.

Breathing right is essential when you want to control your excitement as well as hold back your ejaculation. It also helps you understand the exact level of excitement you are at, and thereby helps you control the number of breaths you take and the time you hold your breath.

Tension can affect your performance in bed in 2 ways:

- Mental anxiety: This may result in shorter stints in bed.

- Techniques: Some of the sexual techniques you are practicing in bed may actually hasten your ejaculation.

Whatever the reason, it pays to notice the levels of tension you experience during sex. For instance, which muscles are you clenching at different stages of arousal? More precisely, are you able to pinpoint the muscles you are using when your arousal has reached a plateau?

Try and pinpoint the moment where you clench muscles on your lower back, your thighs or even the muscles on your arm. You should also notice any tightening of the chest muscles or other major muscle group. Try to find out the variations of tension in your body whenever you change the positions for sex. This is essential if you want to maintain your excitement at that level, and still last long enough in bed.

Like all things worth doing, these techniques take some time and effort to yield results. The good news is that they ALWAYS gets better with practice, so don't give up! Once you start practicing these, you will be able to identify the exact level of your sexual arousal and control the stimulation you receive at that stage. This will turbo-charge your sexual endurance and help you last as long as you want!

About the author:
Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

Sexual Endurance For Men - Permanently End Premature Ejaculation & Enjoy Smoldering Hot Sex!




There are many sexual dysfunctions that men have to deal with. But nothing is as embarrassing and humiliating as premature ejaculation. This is a deep-seated fear that is keeping many men up at night. Some even go as far as avoiding sex altogether so that they will not embarrass themselves in front of their women.
Most women can appreciate the fact that you are "losing control" so easily because you are so turned on by them. But if this condition occurs persistently and is not addressed, sex can become a boring or even a dreaded routine for both you and your partner.
If you need some help to amp up your sexual endurance and give her great sex every time, these little tricks will come in handy.

The friction that is presented on your penis glans during sex is what causes most men to climax too soon. To overcome this problem, try experimenting with sex positions that take a little "heat" off your manhood and help you last longer. Hint: Passive male sex positions that allow you to relax can be helpful in extending your sexual stamina.

These exercises are becoming increasingly popular these days because they are very easy to do and extremely effective. While most exercises such as kegels and pc contractions are aimed at augmenting the erect size of one's penis, many of these are also great for boosting your ejaculatory control. Many men are paying excessive amounts of money to sex therapists to teach them these techniques, but you can actually learn and practice these on your own from home. There are plenty of affordable male enhancement exercise programs available on the Internet that you can use.
Contrary to what most men were led to believe, there is really no need to rely on pills, medication or other over-hyped commercial gimmicks to put premature ejaculation under total control. Even something as easy and natural as adopting the right sex positions and practicing enhancement exercises will significantly lengthen the time you spend during intercourse without blowing early.
Any man can learn to last longer in bed. Sexual stamina is something that can be acquired if you are willing to put in the effort. Don't let your lack of sexual endurance become a liability. Instead, use the two tips above, put premature ejaculation behind you and become a better lover from today! Your girl will thank you for the smoldering hot sex you are giving her!

About the author:
Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

How Can I Have Better Ejaculation Control & Maximize Her Sexual Pleasure? Little Known Tips For Men!




Is it possible for a man to learn how to have better ejaculation control and provide unimaginable sexual pleasure to his female partner? This might seem like a tough act to juggle for any man. After all, premature ejaculation is undoubtedly the most common problem that affects men in the bedroom. And if you are focusing on trying to last longer during intercourse, it becomes doubly difficult to concentrate on giving her maximum pleasure. Or is it? Well, let's find out!

According to studies, both men and women are naturally predisposed to reach a sexual climax at around the same time. But there is a fundamental difference. Women are more conscious and insecure about their own bodies and this psychological distraction actually causes them to take longer to get sufficiently aroused.
Ironically this works in men's advantage. You should take things slow right from the start, paying attention to her body and complimenting her. Give her sufficient stimulation on her non-sexual areas first before moving on to her erogenous zones. This will free her from her own insecurities and at the same time, buy you time so that you can last longer.

When women are aroused, they tend to stay at that phase longer than men before they start ascending towards an orgasm. The trick here lies in the stimulation that you deliver to her. At this stage her clitoris is ready for the taking. While you are penetrating her, you should also focus on stimulating her clitoris in steady, tender strokes using your fingers.
At this point, you are likely to feel your breathing and heartbeat going up. Don't let your breathing go astray, otherwise you will speed away to your own orgasm. Instead, focus on taking deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly. This will help to relax those diaphragm muscles and prevent them from becoming too tensed.

When she is nearing a climax and you attempt to change your position or even the rhythm, speed and intensity of penetration, she is likely to go back to square one! Try to draw your attention away from the sensations in your penis and focus on your other body parts. For example, notice how your arms are supporting you during penetration and how your abdominal muscles are flexing. This gives you greater awareness and better control, buying you more time before you hit the point of no return.

About the author:
Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

How to Hold Back Your Ejaculation and Develop a Superhuman Sexual Stamina (Especially For Men!)




Let's face it. When it comes to sex, there is a whole myriad of issues and perhaps even insecurities that we as men would face in the bedroom. But perhaps nothing comes close to the proverbial question that most men have been asking for the longest time: how do I hold back an early ejaculation during sex?
For a woman, the ability to reach an orgasm quickly is almost a far-fetch fantasy. But for a guy, ejaculating too fast during sex is the bane that can cause even the strongest relationship to falter if the problem is not addressed. But if you are not lasting beyond 4 minutes into sex, you are not alone. You have almost 75% of the male population behind you! And you are definitely not alone in wanting to find a solution so that you can last longer and enjoy better sex.

This is fundamentally important. It is not just about using the latest sprays, creams or ointments to give you superior stamina. It is about adopting the right paradigm and attitude during sex that will separate you from rookies who ejaculate from the word "GO" and real men who can truly master their ejaculation almost on command.

We all know that the mind controls the body, and not the other way round. Guys who climax too soon allow their bodies to rule their minds. They let the sexual stimulation get too intense to the point that they cannot stem an impending orgasm, regardless of how they try to mentally distract themselves. When you reach the "point of no return" during sex, it is too late to rein in your ejaculation.

Honesty is the best policy even when it comes to sex. You don't have to feel guilty that you are not lasting long enough for her. You just got to be honest with her that you are climaxing too soon because she has turned you on so much, and you would love to return her the favor. Women love men who have the courage to face up to their sexual inadequacies.
Sex doesn't have to end when you ejaculate! You can and SHOULD continue to give her sexual stimulation. Your penis isn't exactly the only "tool" you have. In fact, most women hardly get an orgasm through penetrative sex. So go down on her if you like (women love oral sex) and continue to romp her erogenous spots with your fingers. This exudes sexual confidence on your part; it shows you are in control, and this turns women on!
Believe me, having confidence is that the first crucial step to curing premature ejaculation and lasting longer in bed. Be bold, and take that first step!

About the author:
Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

Want to Stop Premature Ejaculation? This is One Technique That Works Magically For Most Men!




Premature ejaculation is something that affects almost all men at some point in their lives. But if PE is constantly affecting your sex life, it is time that you take some action to eradicate this nuisance once and for all. Keep reading and learn one simple, effective technique that will prolong your ejaculation and help you achieve what most guys can only dream of - unlimited sexual longevity!

Masturbation, when done right, can actually help to prevent early ejaculation during sex. Sounds unbelievable? Most people feel that the purpose of masturbation is to derive pleasure. Well, not in this case. This is a technique where your target is not the ultimate orgasm - but the journey towards it.

Build up the pleasure as you normally would during any other masturbation session. However, for once, you do not want to go past the "point of no return" - the stage where ejaculation is inevitable.
The moment you feel that you are about to peak, stop the stimulation altogether. Your target should not be an orgasm. Rather, you should focus on enjoying the act for as long as possible. So, next time when you feel the arousal climbing, reduce the stimulation, relax your body and then start again (Note: If you have been practicing pelvic muscle exercises, you will be able to control your arousal better)

There are three key things you need to keep in mind when you practice this technique.
Firstly, don't try to perform this every time you masturbate. You will simply lose interest if you do so. Keep aside a few sessions and practice it only during these times. Secondly, do not attempt to stretch each session for more than 10 minutes. You might end up with testicle pain or discomfort. This is a result of excessive stimulation and no release of semen. Thirdly, build up your arousal SLOWLY. Remember, you are not using this technique as a form of quick sexual gratification but to control the physical stimulation that comes during sex.
Don't worry if you are not able to hold your arousal for more than a few minutes in the initial stages. Consistency is the name of the game. If you practice it regularly, you will be able to maintain your erection and withstand greater levels of stimulation. Premature ejaculation can be easily prevented with the right approach and technique. You will be surprised by the results in just a few days using the tips I have just shared!

About the author:
Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

Why Do I Have Premature Ejaculation? 3 Reasons Why You Are Not Lasting Long Enough in Bed!




If you have been having premature ejaculation for some time now, it is very natural for you to want to seek out quick cures. However, if you really want to make the cure effective and long lasting, you have to first find out the reasons behind the condition. There is no single reason that holds true for everyone. It is very important for you to understand what is causing yours. Take a look at the factors below.

There is no denying the benefits of a healthy lifestyle when you are talking about premature ejaculation. Are you are a slouch who lives on hot dogs and chips? Do you think that exercise is the name of the latest discovered planet? You have your reason right before you!
An excess of saturated fats in your diet can hamper circulation and result in low stores of energy. This is proven to cause premature ejaculation - sooner or later!
Remedy: Exercise right and keep your binges confined to a minimum.

You are the result of thousands of years of human ancestry. Men have always tended to think of sex in terms enjoyment rather than of procreation. So if you are failing to stay at it longer, it may just be a part of your "genetic inheritance" - go there, do that, get out!
Remedy: The good news is that you can reprogram yourself to last much longer in bed by learning how to control your sexual arousal. This may take you as little as 5 minutes a day for about 2 to 4 weeks.

This is a fact - you will ejaculate prematurely if you get yourself too excited too quickly during sex. In other words, if you have a penis that is too sensitive or if you have a nervous system that goes into overdrive the moment you receive a stimulus, premature ejaculation is almost guaranteed.
Remedy: Most men improve their lasting power in bed with age. If you are overly excitable, it may be a result of your youth. If that is the case, your condition will improve with age. This comes with another advantage - an overly responsive ejaculatory system can actually help prevent other common sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction later in life.
Premature ejaculation is a very common problem amongst men. The good news is that, with a little effort, you can totally prevent it. So before you hit on a remedy or a treatment, it is essential for you to know the reasons behind your condition!

About the author:
Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

Not Lasting Long Enough During Sex? Learn the Straight Scoop on Fixing Premature Ejaculation Here!



You are bound to have some concerns when you are trying to last long enough during sex. Whether it is about the right technique to manage your ejaculation or the right time to do it, the questions never end. Keep reading and let's discuss and address a few issues here:

Let's clear up the basics first. There is NO medication that can help you last longer in bed if your pelvic muscles are weak to begin with. You see, medications and drugs are available but these can only increase and regulate the flow of blood to your genitals. If your muscles are weak, you will only maintain the erection for a short time even with the help of medication. So yes, exercise is one of the best ways that can help you in the long run. In fact, exercise is the essential building block that can make other techniques (including medication) succeed!

Yes, exercises such as kegel DO take some time and consistent effort. But you will be amazed at how simple they are to learn and practice on your own. In fact, you don't even have to invest a separate time for it. Most of these exercises are innocuous enough that you can do them at work, while travelling or even when watching television. What about the amount of practice you need each day? How about 5 to 10 minutes? Honestly, that is a drop in the ocean considering the immense benefits you are going to get out of it.

Honestly, I wish I could when I first began on the path towards better sexual stamina! But here's the thing - premature ejaculation is mostly a learned habit acquired from young (such as your masturbatory habits that focused on quick, instant gratification). Thus it will take some time to "unlearn" and start having a longer and better sexual experience. This takes effort and practice. Premature ejaculation is NOT something you can control just by thinking about it - even if you have loads of willpower!

Reality check: It is NEVER about how long you last in bed. Some men can last up to 30 minutes in bed, without ever fulfilling their women. But there are guys who are 'quick shooters" (who last no more than 2 minutes of sex), yet their female partners are completely bowled over in bed! How it that possible? Simple!
Those guys make sure that their women are properly aroused and stimulated before they begin sexual intercourse. In fact, most of these women have already gotten an orgasm (or two) through foreplay before any penetrative act. That is truly the "gold standard" of lasting long enough. Food for thought?

About the author:
Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Safer Sex Menu

Safer sex can be fun and you won't have to worry as much. The best advice is to use safer sex supplies until you and your lover are in a monogamous relationship.

- Saucy phone-sex or sex talk
- A luscious body massage
- Naughty videos & audios
- Scrumptious body licking
- A spicy striptease
- Savory kissing
- Mouth watering mutual masturbation
- Tasty cleavage fornication
- Juicy oral delights with a condom or rubber dam
- Steamy sex with vibrators and other adult toys (Not shared)
- Delicious penetration with an FDA approved condom
- Sugary caresses
- Syrupy love bites served gently
- Sweet body pressing
- Warm blows of breath
- Creamy cuddles

Condom Talk

If your lover gives you a hard time about wearing a condom, here are some good responses and excellent reasons why you need to use one.

Him: I don't think condoms are romantic.
Her: Just let me show you how romantic condoms can be.
Him: You don't trust me, do you?
Her: It's not a matter of trust; it's a matter of health.
Him: I don't like to use condoms.
Her: I don't have sex without them.
Him: I haven't had sex with anyone in years so I know I'm clean.
Her: Thanks for being so honest, but let's use one anyway.
Him: I can't feel anything when I wear a condom.
Her: Let me provide you with some extra stimulation.
Him: I know I'll lose my erection by the time I get it on.
Her: Here, let me put it on for you with my mouth.
Him: I'm only going to use a condom this once.
Her: Once is all it takes.
Him: Sorry, I don't have one.
Her: That's ok. I do.
Him: How come you have condoms on you? Did you plan to have sex with me?
Her: I made sure I had some because I really care about you.
Him: Forget it. I'm not going to use a condom.
Her: Fine. Then let's not have sex until we can work out our differences.

Dr. Ava Cadell's Sexual Consent Form

Who needs it and why use it?

Superstar athletes, actors, rock stars, politicians, even entrepreneurs have groupies that will do just about anything to have sex with them, but can they be trusted? Will they lie about the act being consensual? Could they threaten to sue or worse still, make an accusation about sexual assault? You bet they can! So how can these people who are regularly out of town and away from home, which can lead to loneliness and result in temptation, protect themselves? Condoms can protect from the Std's and unwanted pregnancy. Another form of protection is to have a signed sexual consent form before having any sex as I described on TV's Celebrity Justice, CNN , ABC , Fox News and Good Morning America

If you think that a sexual consent form is only for the rich and famous, think again. Even if you have no assets, you need to protect yourself from false accusations because you can lose everything including your personal property, freedom and reputation. There are many other benefits to signing a sexual consent form, including the fact that you literally open up a form of intimate communication prior to rushing into sex. And, ladies the sexual consent form can protect you from being taken advantage of sexually because there is an -out clause- that stipulates that if you say the words -Code Red,- your partner must stop immediately. I chose this phrase because the words -No- and -Stop- have been used all too frivolously in our society and unfortunately, they are not always taken seriously. By using the sexual consent form with an FDA approved condom, you could protect yourself legally and sexually.

Benefits of a Sexual Consent Form

- I created it so that there will be no confusion or miscommunication as far as sexual consent is concerned.
- It protects men from conniving women who may bring false charges of sexual misconduct for financial gain.
- Even men who have no assets need to protect themselves from false accusations because they can lose everything that is dearest to them. Property, freedom and their reputation.
- This form is actually a way for the man to ask for permission to have sex with the woman.
- Women should NOT sign it if they do not trust the man are not ready for intimacy.
- It can be a form of foreplay before you get to the bedroom since you get to talk about sex before rushing into it. Great communication.
- The woman can select which sexual activities she wants to indulge in.
- -No- & -Stop- has been used frivolously, playfully and teasingly & is not taken seriously anymore. The phrase Code Red will not be mistaken for anything other than -high alert- hands off, you've gone too far. A similar 'Out Clause' is used in consensual bondage.
- Code Red is an alert that means stop because I am having physical or emotional problems. He must stop instantly.
- Any contract is contestable, even a prenuptial or Will. But if I were accused, I would rather go to court with it than without it. It would be admissible and relevant as evidence of consent if signed by the alleged victim.
- It's a great way to keep tabs on how many sex partners you've had.
- This is not a rape tool. On the contrary, I believe that it will prevent rape. A rapist is less likely to use a sexual consent form.
- As for the argument that a woman can be forced into signing it, I contend that a handwriting expert could probably identify a forced signature.
- There is never a guarantee that someone will NOT take advantage of you sexually, emotionally or physically. The best line of defence is always to be cautious and listen to your gut instincts. Never do anything that you do not want to do!

Is Oral Sex really Sex?

It is ridiculous to view oral sex as -not sex.- It's just as intimate as sexual intercourse, so why would you engage in oral sex with someone you wouldn't want to have intercourse with? Well, I'll tell you why. It all started in 1998 when then President Bill Clinton stated publicly, -I did not have sexual relations with that woman- even though he had repeatedly received oral sex from his intern, Monica Lewinsky. Now there is the growing problem of defining what sex really is. In the minds of many teenagers, oral sex isn't really sex. They seem to think they can stay virgins by engaging in oral sex because their hymen isn't broken. That's like saying, you can have anal sex and remain a virgin. Technically, it's true, but theoretically and emotionally it's not. Some guys also think they aren't cheating when they have oral sex with another woman because they can't get her pregnant. Giving and receiving oral sex is one of the most intimate and erotic acts that can be exchanged within a loving adult relationship and yes, it is sex!

Oral sex isn't a safe sex activity

Although oral sex is safer than vaginal and anal sex, it is still possible to contract Std's. The bottom line is that oral sex should be avoided if the giver has any sores or bleeding gums in the mouth. Even if he or she has just brushed or flossed their teeth, it can cause microscopic scratches in the lining of the mouth that makes one vulnerable to infection. Because of this, doctors advise the use of condoms for fellatio (flavored condoms are best) and the use of female condoms, dental dams or kitchen plastic wrap) for cunnilingus.
Better to be safe than sorry

Many people are unclear on the risks associated with oral sex. Unprotected oral sex carries a lesser risk for the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (Std's) than unprotected intercourse or anal penetration, but there's still a risk for both the giver and the receiver of oral sex. First let's look at how to avoid these contagious Std's by practicing safer sex.

Safer Sex Supplies

If you love yourself, you must protect yourself. Ladies, there's no reason why you can't enjoy the eroticism of oral sex and practice safer sex at the same time. Even if you're in a monogamous relationship, you'll want to have some of the safer sex supplies around to help you add more pleasure, persity and spontaneity to your oral sex adventures.

Female Condoms

Reality Condoms are the most well known, but they recently changed their name to FC Female Condoms. Femidom is another brand of female condoms. Most female condoms work the same way. They're made of polyurethane (stronger than latex), are hypo-allergenic, heat conductive, and odorless. They are a soft, loose-fitting sheath specifically designed to protect women from pregnancy and Std's by lining the inside of her vagina. Read the instructions before inserting it because if you don't insert it correctly, it's like not using protection at all. The female condom has to go deep inside the vagina and over the cervix.

Dental Dams

Aptly named because they are used by dentists to isolate a tooth. Dental dams come in various sizes and flavors. Made of ultra think latex, these square shaped barriers allow good sensations for oral sex. Sheer Glyde Dams are FDA approved for protection against Std's for cunnilingus and rimming. The best way to use a dam is for the giver to mark the -mouth- side of the dam with a marker so that they knows which side to lick, then apply a couple of drops of lubricant on the other side, press the dam against her vulva with two hands and enjoy.

Latex Gloves and Finger Cots

Good oral sex involves the hands as well as the mouth. There's nothing more exciting than orally pleasing a woman's clitoris and fingering her vagina or anus simultaneously. By using latex gloves and or finger cots (think of them as mini condoms for your fingers) you can increase erotic sensations and protect the receiver from jagged fingernails, cuts, germs or viral Std's such as herpes, which can be spread by skin-to-skin contact.

Lubricants

We all know, -wetter is better.- But, which lube is best? It can be very confusing because there are so many to choose from including, odorless, tasteless, water soluble lubricants with a lightconsistency and without Nonoxynol-9 spermicide. Here are some favorites: Wet Light, Astroglide, ForePlay Personal Gel, Aqua Lube, Sensua Organics and Probe Silky Light.

What Stds can I get from Oral Sex?

The following list of Std's is the most contagious and common when it comes to performing and receiving oral sex on a person. While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, to ensure safeties make sure that no cuts or lesions are present in the mouth or on the genitals. Protect yourself and your partner by using a barrier to avoid the contact of bodily fluids that may result in catching a sexually transmitted disease.
Herpes is a virus that causes sporadic flare-ups of painful blisters, usually around the mouth and or genitals. Herpes can hop from mouth to mouth and from mouth to genitals through the mucous membranes and skin. It can be spread by hand to vagina or hand to anus contact. Since Herpes is such a common virus, you can get a prescription drug called Valtrex.

Genital Warts are similar to Herpes in that they are a virus that remains in your system for life. They are spread in the same way through skin to skin and mucous membrane contact. The warts have to be removed surgically by laser and the bad news is that they may reoccur anyway.

Gonorrhea is a serious bacterial Std that can be spread through unprotected oral-vaginal contact. Symptoms may not show, but vaginal burning, discharge and pelvic pain are common warning signs. The good news is that antibiotics do work, but they must be taken for weeks.

Syphilis is a severe bacterial Std that can also be spread through unprotected oral-vaginal contact, especially if there is a sore present on the mouth or her vagina. Syphilis can be deadly if it isn't cured in the first couple of stages. The first visible sign and stage is the sore at the entrance of the vagina; the second sign is a body rash. Fortunately, Penicillin can cure Syphilis in these early stages. However, the third stage attacks the nervous system and debilitates the heart. Medications have limited success if left untreated.

Crabs and pubic lice are tiny creatures that gravitate towards the pubic hair where they live. They can be spread from one infested person to another. Symptoms include itching, swollen lymph glands and a mild fever.

Hepatitis A is a dangerous virus that can be transmitted by rimming or analingus (licking or penetrating the anal opening with your tongue). Other rimming risks include anal herpes, anal warts, internal parasites and even HIV. Hepatitis A can be prevented by getting a hepatitis A shot. In some cases hepatitis infection can cause muscle ache, fever, loss of appetite, headaches or dizziness.

Hepatitis B can be a life-threatening virus transmitted from sexual contact or contaminated needles. It's found in blood and other body fluids, such as semen, vaginal secretions and the breast of a lactating woman. It's possible to contract Hepatitis B when performing unprotected oral sex, especially when fluids from a carrier enter your body through a cut or sore in your mouth. Symptoms of Hepatitis B are fever, abdominal pain, jaundice and in some cases liver disease. There is no known cure, but it can be prevented with a vaccine.

Hepatitis C is the most deadly of all the hepatitis diseases. It is transmitted exclusively through direct blood contact so the receiver of oral sex must be menstruating, and the person going down on her must have a cut or sore on his mouth. There is no known cure or vaccine for hepatitis C at this time. Symptoms include the same as for A and B, plus dark urine, light stool colors, yellow eyes or skin and tenderness of the liver area.
HIV/AIDS can be fatal when the blood, semen, vaginal secretions or breast milk of an infected person enters another person's bloodstream through a cut, sore or blood vessel. If you perform oral sex on a menstruating partner, you could be at risk. Even if you have recently flossed or brushed your teeth, it's possible that you cut your gums and you could be at risk. HIV doesn't have any immediate warning signs so it's possible to have the virus for years and transmit it to others. The first symptoms of AIDS are weight loss, night sweats, pneumonia and other illnesses related to a low immune system. There is no known cure or vaccine for AIDS, but combinations of medications can slow the virus down.

How to properly put on a male condom

Prepare: Always check your condom for an expiration date, throw it out if it is expired. Also, make sure to store condoms in a cool place, such as a desk drawer, never store a condom in your wallet, hot environments (such as in your car) or if it has been washed or dried by accident. Don't hesitate to get a new condom if you have any doubts.

The penis must be erect in order to put on the condom. Do not attempt to put a condom on if the penis is limp.

Opening: Be careful when opening the package, condoms can rip very easily. Feel free to use your teeth, in a sexy manner, but be careful.

If the man's penis is not circumcised, be sure to pull the foreskin back first.

The condom should be right side out. Make sure to unroll the condom slightly at first in order to check which direction it is unrolling in. Slip it over the head of the penis; moving downward (it should unroll easy). (Hint: try putting the condom on with your mouth, watch your teeth.)

It is important that you hold the top half inch of the condom between your thumb and forefinger when you roll it down. This will leave space for when your man ejaculates.

Roll down the condom as far as it will allow, it should reach the base of the penis.
In the case of anal intercourse (remember: always use a condom during anal intercourse, even if you cannot get pregnant) use a lot of lubricant, the anal region is not naturally lubricated and can tear more easily than the vagina. For intercourse, a water-based lubricant is best. Always apply lubricant after the condom has been put on, a condom could easily slip off of a lubricated penis. Apply lubricant as often as needed, dry condoms break more easily.

For Men: make sure that when you pull out, you continue to hold the condom in place at the base of the penis. If possible, pull out while your penis is still erect. It is imperative that you remove the condom only after you are completely out of your partner's vagina.
Once you have safely removed the condom, throw it away immediately, a condom can be used once, and only once. In the case of anal intercourse, make sure you use an entirely new condom, never switch from vaginal to anal intercourse with the same condom. A man should never ejaculate in the same condom twice, and should also never wear a condom that somebody else has already used.

Also, remember never to use more than one condom at a time. -Doubling Up- only increases the chances of the condom breaking.

Using a female condom

How to properly put on a female condom:

The female condom is a sleeve of polyurethane with a closed end and a larger open end. There is a flexible ring in each end.

Have a condom fashion show

We all need to know about safer sex practices. And, safer sex can be very sexy and fun. For those of you using condoms, experiment with different kinds of condoms and practice putting them on manually and orally.

Condoms:

There are many kinds of condoms including flavored, polyurethane, extra-large, snug fitting, extra-sensitive, and condoms with nubs and stimulators. Here are some examples for you to choose from and experiment with:

Latex: Mentor, Ramses, Durex, Global Protection, Sheik, Pleaser, Kimono, Lifestyles, Crown, Magnum, trojan, Contempo, Paradise
Natural: Fourex, Natural Lamb, Skin Kling
Polyurethane: Avanti, Reality for women (female condom)

New Condoms:

Pleasure Plus Bulbus Head (Gives room inside the condom for the head of the penis to have more friction.)
Custom fit condoms by condomania.com.

You can also experiment with dental dams, latex gloves or finger cots.
Safer Sex Activities

- Cuddling and caressing
- Dry kissing
- Undressing
- Phone sex
- Watching or reading erotica
- Cleavage fornication
- Massage
- Mutual Masturbation
- Manual stimulation
- Oral sex with an FDA approved condom or rubber dam
- Sex toys unshared
- Intercourse with a condom and spermicide

Unsafe Sex

- French kissing in the presence of open sores or cuts
- Manual stimulation in the presence of open sores or cuts
- Oral sex without a barrier
- Sharing unclean sex toys
- Sucking the breasts of a lactating woman
- Vaginal or anal intercourse without an FDA approved condom
- Penetration of anything from the anus to the vagina
- Never blow or force air into the vagina because it can cause an embolism that could be fatal, especially if

the woman is pregnant.

Birth Control Methods

NuvaRing-99.7%; $30-$35/ monthly. Protects against pregnancy for one month, no pill to take daily, does not require a -fitting- by a clinician, does not require the use of spermicide, nothing to put in place before intercourse. Possible: more regular, shorter periods, less: menstrual flow and cramping, acne, iron deficiency anemia, excess body hair, headaches, depression and vaginal dryness and painful intercourse associated with menopause, reduces the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancers, pelvic inflammatory disease, noncancerous growths of the breasts, ovarian cysts, and osteoporosis (thinning of the bones), fewer occurrences of ectopic pregnancy (in a fallopian tube), ability to become pregnant returns quickly when use is stopped. Increased vaginal discharge, vaginal irritation or infection, cannot use a diaphragm, cap, or shield for a backup method of birth control, rare but serious health risks, including blood clots, heart attack, and stroke (women who are 35 and older and smoke are at a greater risk), change in sex drive and temporary irregular bleeding, weight gain or loss, breast tenderness, nausea (rarely, vomiting, changes in mood, and other discomforts)
Patch- 99.7%;$30-$40/month supply of patches. Protects against pregnancy for one month, no pill to take daily, nothing to put in place before intercourse, Possible: more regular, shorter periods, less: menstrual flow and cramping, acne, iron deficiency anemia, excess body hair, premenstrual symptoms (such as related headaches and depression) and vaginal dryness and painful intercourse associated with menopause, reduces the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancers, pelvic inflammatory disease, noncancerous growths of the breasts, ovarian cysts, and osteoporosis (loss of bone mass), fewer occurrences of ectopic pregnancy (in not in the uterus), ability to become pregnant returns quickly when use is stopped Skin reaction at the site of application, menstrual cramps, may not be as effective for women who weigh more than 198 pounds, rare but serious health risks, including blood clots, heart attack, and stroke (women who are 35 and older and smoke are at a greater risk), other side effects include change in sex drive and temporary irregular bleeding, weight gain or loss, breast tenderness, nausea (rarely, vomiting, changes in mood, and other discomforts).
POPs (Progestin-only Birth Control Pills)- 92-99.7%; $20-$35/ monthly. Can be used by women who cannot take estrogen, nothing has to be put in place before vaginal intercourse, can be used while breastfeeding, ability to become pregnant returns quickly when use is stopped, irregular bleeding patterns, headache, nausea, dizziness, sore breasts, must be taken at the same time of day each day to reduce the risk of pregnancy and irregular bleeding

IUD- 99.2-99.9%; $175-$500/ exam, insertion, and follow-up visit. Nothing to put in place before intercourse, ParaGard® (copper IUD) may be left in place for up to 12 years, Mirena® (hormone IUD) for five years, no pill to take daily, Mirena® may reduce menstrual cramps, ability to become pregnant returns quickly when IUD is removed Increase in cramps and heavier and longer periods (copper IUDs), spotting between periods, increased chance of tubal infection leading to infertility if inserted when a woman has a STI, rarely, wall of uterus is punctured during insertion, rarely, insertion can cause infection, pregnancies, which rarely occur, are more likely to be ectopic (not in uterus)

Depo-Provera- 97-99.7%. $20-$40/visits to clinician. $30-$75/ injection. Can be used by women who cannot take estrogen, nothing has to be put in place before vaginal intercourse, can be used while breastfeeding, effective for 12 weeks, no pill to take daily, helps prevent cancer of the lining of the uterusirregular bleeding, headache, nausea, dizziness, sore breasts, must receive injection every three months, loss of monthly period, change of appetite, weight gain, depression, hair loss, or increased hair on the face or body, nervousness, skin rash or spotty darkening of the skin, change in sex drive, side effects not reversed until medication wears off (up to 12 weeks), causes temporary bone thinning, may cause delay in getting pregnant after shots are stopped, pregnancies, which rarely occur, are more likely to be ectopic (not in the uterus)

Abstinence-100%; Free. No medical or hormonal side effects of any kind. Many people find it difficult to abstain from sex play for long periods of time

Withdrawal- 73-96% (nearly 100% w/condom); Free (or cost of condoms). Can be used when no other method is available. Not effective against Stds, requires great self-control, experience

Sterilization- 99.5-99.9%; $2,000-$6,000/ Tubal sterilization; $350-$1,000/ vasectomy. Permanent protection against pregnancy, no lasting side effects, no effects on sexual pleasure. Risks of minor surgery, regret, usually not reversible, rarely, tubes reopen, allowing pregnancy to occur

The Pill- 92-99.7% $20-$35/monthly. Nothing to put in place before intercourse, more regular, shorter periods, less: menstrual flow, cramping, acne, iron deficiency anemia, excess body hair, headaches, depression and vaginal dryness, and painful intercourse associated with menopause. Reduces the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancers, pelvic inflammatory disease, noncancerous growths of the breasts, ovarian cysts, and osteoporosis (loss of bone mass), fewer occurrences of ectopic pregnancy (not in the uterus), ability to become pregnant returns quickly when use is stopped, can be used to change the timing and frequency of your period rare but serious health risks, including blood clots, heart attack, and stroke (women who are 35 and older and smoke are at a greater risk), change in sex drive, temporary irregular bleeding, weight gain or loss, breast tenderness, nausea (rarely, vomiting, changes in mood, and other discomforts), must be taken daily, persistent side effects may be relieved by having your clinician change your prescription

Diaphragm- 84-94% $15-$75/ diaphragm
No major health concerns, can be used during breastfeeding. Can be messy, allergies to latex, silicone, or spermicide, should not be used during vaginal bleeding or infection, increased risk of bladder infection, can only be left in place for up to 24 hours

Condom- 85-98% (nearly 100% with withdrawal) $0.50 and up - some family planning centers give them away or charge very little. Easy to buy in drugstores and supermarkets, can be put on or inserted as part of sex play, can help relieve premature ejaculation, helps to protect against Stds and AIDS Latex allergies, loss of sensation, breakage

Female Condom- 79-95% $2.50/per condom Easy to buy in drugstores and supermarkets, can be put on or inserted as part of sex play, erection not necessary to keep condom in place, can be used by people allergic to latex, external ring of condom may stimulate clitoris. May be noisy, may be difficult to insert, may irritate vagina, penis, may slip into vagina during intercourse

Sponge- 68-91% $7.50-$9/package of three sponges. Easy to buy in drugstores and supermarkets, can be put on or inserted as part of sex play, does not interrupt sex play (it can be inserted hours ahead of time) May irritate sex organs, can be messy, may be difficult to remove, cannot be used during vaginal bleeding

Spermicide -71-82% $8/applicator kits of spermicide ($4-$8 refills). Easy to buy in drugstores and supermarkets, can be put on or inserted as part of sex play May irritate sex organs, can be messy
Fertitility Awareness- Based Methods (FAMs)-checking temperature daily, checking cervical mucus daily, recording menstrual cycles on calendar, keeping a very accurate record of when your period comes each month, keeping track of your menstrual cycle using a string of beads called CycleBeads 75-99% $5-$8 and up/temperature kits (drugstore).

$13/CycleBeads- Free classes often available in health and church centers No medical or hormonal side effects. Requires expert training before effective use, uncooperative partners, taking risks during -unsafe- days, poor record keeping, illness and lack of sleep affect body temperature and may interfere with the temperature method, changes caused by vaginal infections and douches may interfere with the cervical mucus method, must have regular menstrual cycles that are never shorter than 26 days and never longer than 32 days to use CycleBeads

Source: http://www.plannedparenthood.com

health information - birth control

If You Choose Fertility Awareness-Based Methods (FAMs)...
... a professional will teach you how to keep track of your menstrual cycle to help you predict -safe- and -unsafe- days. Abstain from intercourse (periodic abstinence) or use condoms, diaphragms, caps, shields, or spermicide during nine or more -unsafe- days

Stds from Unprotected Intercourse

Genital Herpes- Virus; Burning sensation in genitals, low back pain, pain when urinating, flu-like symptoms, small red bumps may appear around genitals, some show no symptoms. Medications prescribed by your doctor, such as ValtrexTM

Gonorrhea-Bacteria Women: strong smelling vaginal discharge, may be thin & watery or thick & yellow/green, irritation or discharge from the anus, abnormal vaginal bleeding, possibly some low abdominal or pelvic tenderness, pain or a burning sensation when passing urine, low abdominal pain sometimes with nausea

Men: white, yellow or green thick discharge from the tip of the penis, inflammation of the testicles & prostate gland, irritation or discharge from the anus, urethral itch & pain or burning sensation when passing urine. Antibiotics (Similar to antibiotics used for Chlamydia)

Chlamydia Bacteria- Women: an unusual vaginal discharge, pain or a burning sensation when passing urine, bleeding between periods, pain during sex or bleeding after sex, low abdominal pain sometimes with nausea

Men: white/cloudy, watery discharge from the tip of the penis, pain or a burning sensation when passing urine, testicular pain and/or swelling. Antibiotics (those similar to gonorrhea). Such as, Doxycycline
Syphilis- Bacteria; Painless sores or open ulcers may appear on the anus, vagina, penis, or inside the mouth, and occasionally on other parts of the body. During the second stage (roughly three weeks to three months after the first symptoms appear), an infected person may experience flu-like symptoms and possibly hair loss or a rash on the soles and palms -- and in some cases all over the body. There are also latent phases of syphilis infection during which symptoms are absent. Antibiotics. However, can be extremely dangerous if left untreated.

HIV/AIDS- Virus; Most symptoms of AIDS are not caused directly by HIV, but by an infection or other condition brought on by a weakened immune system. These include severe weight loss, fever, headache, night sweats, fatigue, severe diarrhea, shortness of breath, and difficulty swallowing. The symptoms tend to last for weeks or months at a time and do not go away without treatment. In some cases, infections result in death. Doctors can prescribe and array of medications (commonly known as a -cocktail-) to preserve life, however, there is no cure.

HPV (Genital Warts)- Virus; Can cause cervical cancer, visible warts in and around the genitals, may look like miniature cauliflower florets, some show no symptoms. Warts can be removed by a physician, however, they will always return
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ava_Cadell

Top 10 Sex Myths - Where's Your Head At?

Very few things that happen during sex are a disaster unless you choose to see them that way. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
The Journal of Marital and Sexual Therapy recently reported that 1 in 4 of us are unhappy with our sex lives. Problems with sex arise out of a combination of factors: for example lack of confidence, communication difficulties, inexperience and lack of skill, unrealistic expectations, refusal to take responsibility for our own sexual pleasure and

What many people are not aware of is that there are a vast amount of beliefs and opinions about sex that we all have and take with us into every sexual encounter. For the most part, we are not aware of out particular biases and expectations yet these unexamined yet rigid convictions have the potential to ruin any sexual experience.

1. SEXUAL FANTASY IS A BARRIER TO INTIMACY

Many people prevent themselves from having the best sexual experiences that they could have because they believe that fantasy should be restricted to masturbation and should not be an aspect of partner sex. This could not be further from the truth. Choosing whether and when to share a private desire with your partner can be exhilarating. Yet sharing is not the point of fantasy. Fantasy is all about learning what turns you on and exploring your potential to express your sexuality. It is not unusual for women to have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner because of insufficient mental arousal. She probably knows how to orgasm through masturbation but feels too guilty to enter the realm of fantasy when with her partner. The ability to be intimate is enhanced by self-knowledge and confidence and the uninhibited expression and communication of fantasy can bring people closer together.

2. PENETRATION IS THE GOAL OF SEX

Concentrating on the destination rather than the journey is responsible for the burden placed upon men to 'perform' on demand but is only a part of a vastly wider area of sexual possibilities. Penetration is often made the center of sex, yet oral and manual sexual activity is likely to be at least as - and frequently more - satisfying for a woman. When penetration is seen as the 'goal' of sex, then foreplay becomes something that leads to proper sex, rather than being a pleasure in and of itself. When sex is reduced to being a rush towards the man's ejaculation through penetration, then it is no wonder that so many people find sex to be disinteresting and boring. It is more that the definitions of sex in our culture are shallow and trivialize the majesty and mystery that sex can be.

3. MORE SEX MEANS BETTER SEX

Quality versus quantity of sex is likely to be different at varying times. It is unrealistic to expect that sex is always going to be mind-blowing and require a heavy investment of time and effort. Variety is the key. Getting stuck in a predictable routine that both partners play out means that sometimes both quantity and quality suffer. We are surrounded by misinformation about sex. Surveys that tell us how often everybody is having sex (or more realistically, how often people say they are having sex) become methods of establishing a spurious norm of sexual activity that you may try to replicate.

Quality can suffer if you are too intent upon upping the quantity of your sexual experiences. Many people feel under pressure to have a lot of sex but this does not mean that they are going to be a better lover or have better sex. It merely means that they have more sex. Compulsive sexual behaviour can be detrimental to your sense of who you are, what you have to offer, your work, relationships. It can mask low quality sex. Comparing yourself with your perceptions of other people's sex lives is always a destructive mode to get into. The only thing that needs matter to you is your own sexual happiness.

4. I AM JUST NOT A VERY SEXUAL PERSON

Loss of sexual desire is a common concern for many people and it is an issue that has no single cause. When you have persistent thoughts about feeling unworthy, unloved, unwanted and of not deserving of great sex, not attractive enough, you may manage to convince yourself that you just are not very sexual. Everybody has sexual energy and the capacity to express and enjoy a fulfilling sex life. What can happen is that your negative thoughts about yourself mean that you lose touch with the sexual part of yourself and start to feel disconnected from your sexuality. Identifying the internal self-talk that is damaging your sexual expression enables you to begin to re-connect with your sexuality and believe that you are no different to anyone else: you deserve and are entitled to sexual happiness. You will need to change the way you think about yourself or your label will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are looking for evidence to back up a belief, you can always find it. It doesn't make it right or true. It just means you see what you want to see, whatever helps you feel comfortable - even this is only the comfort to be found in what is safe, unchallenging and familiar.

5. BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE HAVE BETTER SEX.

Sex begins in the brain and sexual attraction and energy feed off of factors other than physical appearance. When you make love, you are so much more than your body. This belief feeds off the comparisons you make between yourself and other people. Beautiful people do not have more successful relationships, nor do they have better sex. Sexual fulfillment is about self-acceptance. The way you feel about your body is apparent to other people and can make sex a joy or a disaster. The danger with this belief is that you start to play the game of 'If only'. If only I was thinner, more attractive, more sexually adventurous, then I can have the sex life that I want. When you make your dreams dependent upon some other change, then you reduce the chances that you will find the courage to make any changes at all. There is nothing to be gained by waiting. You need to start taking action to change now.

Your body image and the things you tell yourself about your sexual desirability are important factors that influence your sexual happiness. Whilst valuing your own desirability makes quality sex more achievable, loving your looks alone is no guarantee of a deeper and more solid sense of self-esteem. You can feel desirable but empty of desire. Self-acceptance and learning to love yourself extends beyond appreciating your attractiveness and incorporates an acknowledgment and respect of who you are, what you stand for and what you contribute to the world and other people.

6. THE CHILDREN MUST COME FIRST.

Many couples experience a decrease in their sexual satisfaction after they have had children. Believing that the child's needs should always come first can mean that a total lack of privacy, time, energy and commitment makes sex a distant memory. Having children is a stressful time for every couple and the relationship dynamic will change. Balancing affection and attention between your children and your partner is a challenge that needs to be met head on.

Couples with young children need time alone to focus on each other's needs and desires. They need to listen and respect each other and acknowledge their sexual situation, whatever it is. Being a mother or a father does not mean that you have to give up being yourself. It is important to set boundaries with your young children so that they know and accept that their parents expect privacy sometimes and are not always prepared to rush to fulfill their child's needs on demand.

7. SEX IS NO LAUGHING MATTER

Playing, being silly and laughing are all great ways to deepen intimacy and enhance sexual pleasure. Some people believe that sex must be, can only be, 'romantic' and so attach a great deal of earnestness to the experience. It is possible to learn the benefits of lightening up. When sex cannot incorporate elements of play, it is often an indication of an impoverished emotional connection. Usually, it is not difficult to bring the fun back into sex, even if it feels a little forced at first.

When sex is viewed as about achievement and competition, then lightness and frivolity are likely to be absent. Keep in mind that sex is about whatever works for you and keeping play and foolishness a part of sex can help to prevent sex becoming a stale and predictable.

8. SEX MUST BE A GENEROUS ACT; I WANT TO SATISFY HIS/HER SEXUAL NEEDS

Great sex is both generous and selfish. Most people do get turned on by their partner's arousal and this is fantastic but if you put all your energy into finding out what she/he wants, what about you? Who is giving you what you need? Being prepared to get your own needs met is an indication that you are willing to take care of yourself, rather than relying upon other people to meet your unmet and perhaps unvoiced desires.
Sexual communication is all about clarity, saying what you think and feel. It is also about setting boundaries, discussing what you do not like and both parties must be able to say no and for this to be accepted. If you find yourself having sex because you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings, think about what you are doing. Honour yourself and what you want and share any feelings of ambivalence. This means that intimacy levels can remain high and misunderstandings are not given opportunity to distort your relationship with your partner.

9. PREMATURE EJACULATION IS A SIGN OF A POOR LOVER.

Being unable to control ejaculation is a worry for many men. Most practically, even if you have had an orgasm, don't leave your partner high and dry. Often feelings of shame, failure and anticipating your partner's disappointment mean that his orgasm means the end of sex. It comes back to widening your perception of what sex can be and not being enslaved to ideas about sexuality that are widely circulated in our culture.
In terms of his sexual pleasure, learning how to manage his anxiety about performance and being able to talk to a partner are the most effective ways of building sexual confidence. Some of the informal strategies that are popular in our culture do more harm than good. For example, trying to delay ejaculation by distracting yourself with non-sexual thoughts will do little to enhance your sexual pleasure.

This strategy is more likely to create a feeling of disassociation for him from his own body and the situation that he is in. It may help him to delay ejaculation (although this is debatable) but consciously focusing away from your physical pleasure is unlikely to facilitate peak sexual experiences. Being emotionally present during sex is crucial to sexual awareness and intimacy. It is a far more successful strategy for a man to learn about how to control his ejaculation than to continue to consciously create emotional distance from his partner and the sexual experience.

Tantric sex exploration is a great way to learn the capacity to control male ejaculation as it teaches techniques that enable him to distinguish between orgasm and ejaculation. Contrary to popular belief they are not the same thing!

10. AN ERECTION IS ONE AND THE SAME THING AS SEXUAL AROUSAL

This is a difficult idea for many people to get their heads around. Sexual arousal happens within a context that is emotional, physiological and visual. If you think about the nature of desire and attraction, recognise that it is not always a purely physical response; it involves idiosyncratic and sometimes unpredictable preferences. Sexual desire just does not exist without a sexual context. It is confirmed/reduced by the accompanying emotions and thoughts that you focus on at any time. Men have erections of varying hardness according to how they are thinking and feeling at the time. An erection does not necessarily mean that a man is fully, or even a little, aroused. He may become erect without feeling particularly sexy.

For men who are insecure about maintaining their erection, confusing erection with arousal means that they often rush into sex before they are completely ready. If you habitually move from low arousal into sex, desire may well start to decrease. Part of the reason for this is that many men feel that they may lose an erection if they don't immediately act upon its presence. Having sex in an atmosphere of fear and insecurity is not going to give you the best sexual experiences that you are capable of having.

There are many things that men can do to learn to have more confidence and control over their erections and ejaculatory control instead of ignoring his insecurity and depriving himself of great sexual experiences. Whenever your decisions and actions are motivated by fear and uncertainty, you are selling yourself short in some way or another. Many men are not sure about where their pleasure comes from during sex and experience a lack of understanding about their own bodies that means that they are unaware that their whole body can become aroused. If you are committed to gaining ore control over your ejaculatory response, invest in some of the many interesting and informative guides that enable men to delay ejaculation and become more connected with their sexual potential.

There are many other myths that run people's sex lives. Whenever you find yourself thinking 'he / she / I should / must / ought . . . ', you are probably listening to the demands of a sex myth that is taking you away from what you want and think and encouraging you to follow what other people want and feel. When are you going to listen to and follow you own rules?

Recognise that the thoughts that you have affect the sex life that you create. Know that you can choose to change the way you think and learn self-acceptance, respect for your sexual self and experience ease, excitement and power in the ways you choose to express yourself sexually.

© Dr Tara Few, The UK Sex Coach, 2007

(c) Dr Tara Few, The UK Sex Coach. http://www.uksexcoach.com I am a sex and relationship coach and I work with people who know that sex is important to them but who feel that something is missing from their sex lives. I can help you to explore your own sexual style, desires and needs. Connnect to the fun and pleasure potential of your sexuality by working with me and you can become a happier and more confident lover. You will update your knowledge, skills and become more accepting of who are you sexually. Contact me on tara@aragoncoaching.co.ukTo receive regular tips, techniques, articles and resources about sex, sign-up for my monthly eZine VENTURESQUE using the sign-up box on my website.
 http://www.uksexcoach.com

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Sex Without Intimacy and Intimacy Without Sex

We no longer feel the social pressure to confine sex to
committed relationships. In fact, we're free to explore our
sexuality with just about anyone we like. Sex is now an
accepted recreational activity. What we often don't realize,
however, is that even casual, recreational sex still
involves intimacy. We may have overcome our fear and shame
about sex, but many of us still have issues regarding
intimacy. If we experience more intimacy than we can handle,
we will feel threatened; our safety checklist will be
triggered. No matter how "safe" we make sex, sex may not be
safe to us.

When we experience an orgasm, we reveal ourselves more
completely and more honestly than at any other time. We let
our egos die for a moment, and we have the chance to
experience a true connection with another person. Then the
ego comes back into the picture, and we're hit with the fear
of separation, and all of our old patterns. If we don't have
enough trust or enough safety, we will feel threatened,
guilty, and generally unsafe. No matter how much society's
beliefs about sex have evolved in our lifetime, our core
conditioning tells us that there's no such thing as
no-strings sex. We still equate sex with love, and love with
commitment. And we equate love and commitment with
vulnerability, responsibility, and the fear that our needs
will not be met.

Sex is very easy to come by in today's society. What most of
us crave, however, is not sex, but intimacy. The challenge
is that the only model most of us have for expressing or
experiencing intimacy is sex. Intimacy requires trust, and
trust takes time. It's very difficult to experience true
intimacy through casual sex.

The level of intimacy we experience through sex can be
threatening to many of us, particularly if the sex occurs
early in the relationship. Safety is essential in the early
stages of a relationship--even the smallest safety violation
can mark the end of a budding romance. As we get to know our
partners over time, we create a foundation of trust and
familiarity. We can keep minor safety violations in
perspective. This is not the case when we have truly casual
sex with someone.

When we become sexual with a person we've just met, even the
smallest safety violation will be enough to stop our getting
to know each other. One of the challenges is that it's not
usually appropriate or possible to have a Relationship
Definition Talk with a person we've known less than six
hours. There is no real relationship to discuss. While we
both may have wanted to pursue a romantic relationship
before we had sex, we often find we're less interested the
next morning, because we feel unsafe. We experienced too
much intimacy too quickly, and we need to create some
distance, some space, and to put up some walls so that we
can recover. These walls, however, block the emotional and
spiritual connections we experienced that made us want to
get to know each other in the first place. Since we don't
really know our partner, we wonder if there was ever a
genuine connection between us. We often end up with the
awkward "morning after" where one of us promises to call the
other, and neither of us believes the phone will actually
ring.

Two popular television shows demonstrate our current
approaches to sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex.

SEX WITHOUT INTIMACY: "SEX AND THE CITY"

HBO's television series, "Sex and the City," follows the
loves and lives of four single women living in New York
City. The show has become a cultural touchstone because it
explores sexuality from the woman's point of view in frank,
funny, and honest ways. The four main characters are smart,
independent, decent, professional, attractive women. They
each have a different approach to sex, love and
relationships, and between them they cover a broad spectrum
of expectations and attitudes towards sex. The main
characters have become so much a part of popular culture
that many women use them as reference points to describe
their own patterns and feelings about sex. So do many gay
men.
For those of you not familiar with the series (and even for
those of us who are), I'll provide a brief description of
each of the main characters to illustrate their attitudes
towards sex.

SAMANTHA

Samantha Jones takes the most stereotypically male approach
to sex. She truly enjoys sex, and for the most part, she's
content to have a healthy sex life with multiple partners.
She has no guilt or shame associated with sex. Sex for
Samantha does not require any kind of emotional commitment,
nor does it imply any kind of relationship. She enjoys sex
for the sake of sex. Samantha is largely self-sufficient,
and is able to meet her validation needs through her close
friendships. Although Samantha had three significant
romantic relationships during the run of the show (including
a lesbian relationship), she has never set out to find a
relationship.

CARRIE

Carrie Bradshaw has a healthy appreciation for casual sex as
well. Carrie, however, is looking for something more than
just sex--she is looking for a relationship. While Carrie is
less likely than Samantha to simply hook up with an
attractive stranger, she doesn't need to feel like she's in
a committed relationship before she will have sex. Sex is a
part of casual dating for Carrie.

MIRANDA

Miranda Hobbes is more interested in finding a romantic
relationship than she admits. For Miranda, sex is more than
just sex--it implies some kind of commitment, and requires
some kind of emotional connection. The few times Miranda has
indulged in strictly casual sex, she's been disappointed.
Miranda needs to feel that sex is a part of a
relationship--and she has, in the past, used sex as a way to
try to initiate a relationship. Once she has sex with
someone, she immediately begins to see him as a potential
long-term romantic partner.

CHARLOTTE

If Samantha is the most stereotypically masculine in her
approach to sex, Charlotte York is the most stereotypically
feminine. Although she doesn't like to admit it, Charlotte
is uncomfortable with the idea of casual sex. For Charlotte,
sex should only be part of a committed relationship.
Charlotte sets the most boundaries with respect to her sex
life--how far she's willing to go sexually has a direct
relation to how strong a commitment she receives from her
partner. Of course this did backfire on her--she made her
first husband wait until they were married before she would
have sex with him, and then discovered that he couldn't.

INTIMACY WITHOUT SEX: "WILL & GRACE"

"Sex and the City" mainly focuses on sex. If we want to find
a model for an intimate relationship, we have to look to
another popular television show: "Will & Grace." Will Truman
and Grace Adler share a tremendous amount of love, trust and
intimacy in their relationship. They validate and support
each other, and they share the kind of emotional connections
that most of us truly crave in our lives. Ironically, the
only reason that they manage to do this is that sex can
never be a part of their relationship, since Will is gay.
Women and gay men have always shared a special bond. In many
ways, relationships between women and gay men are the only
ones where we can experience true intimacy without involving
sex.
But sex and intimacy are still connected. The more intimate
we become with someone, the more important it will be that
we are able to express that intimacy through sex. Our
objective in our romantic relationships is to feel loved.
Ultimately, love involves a balance of sex and intimacy. But
for many of us, the choice seems to be either having
intimacy without sex, or sex without intimacy. We've all but
forgotten how to combine the two.

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Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships.
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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kevin_Burk

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How to Avoid Premature Ejaculation - Stop These 3 Things and Turbo-Charge Your Stamina in Bed!

The problem of premature ejaculation is not something out of this world. It happens to almost 40% of men at some stage of their lives. The only problem is that it tends to last long and has a negative impact on your personal life. Are you sure you are doing everything to prevent this from happening? We are not talking about reading up countless books! Take a look at the checklist below and make sure you are not bringing these upon yourself.

What Are The 3 Things You Should Avoid?

#1 - The Effects of Stress

Stress is your worst enemy, as far as your premature ejaculation goes. Whether it is related to your job or your performance in bed, stress can wreck havoc on your body. It leads to an increase in your blood pressure, a surge of adrenaline and a peaking of your sexual pleasure before you have had a chance to enjoy it fully. So what do you do about it?
Try to make a conscious effort to relax whenever you feel yourself go tense and stressed out. Take deep, thoughtful breaths and watch that tension ebb away.

#2 - Getting Mad

Believe it or not, being angry during sex can cause you to lose ejaculatory control in just a few moments. This happens in 2 ways. First of all, anger releases a surge of negative feelings within you. More importantly, it cuts out the communication that is so vital when you are making love. Think about it. You are not looking into her eyes - they are glowering at you in all probability, and that is NEVER good for your arousal control. What's more, the surge of blood will make you lose control of your ejaculation reflexes very quickly, sometimes within seconds!

#3 - Wrong Masturbation Techniques

Strange as it sounds, the right masturbation technique can help you last longer. But a wrong way of self-stimulation can cause more harm than good. What are we talking about? If you have been used to a quick fix when you are pleasing yourself, it will be reflected in bed. The logic is simple. Your body becomes accustomed to a quick orgasm (and a weak one) when you masturbate quickly. The other problem is when you masturbate too frequently. If you are getting off by yourself three times a day, and getting off fast, you are spoiling your chances when the real thing hits in bed, so beware!

About the author:

Lloyd Lester is the creator of "Ejaculation By Command", a complete, step-by-step blueprint to help men permanently end premature ejaculation and last longer in bed. Learn how you can develop superior sexual endurance and enjoy transformative sex by visiting: Ejaculation By Command.

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